The Aristobrats Essential Guide to Terms, Abbreviations, & Otherwise Completely Made-Up Words
Academy Awards acceptance pose Hand on hip, other hand almost touching face. Surprised! Flattered! Gracious! Used in the event of, but not exclusive to, the winning of the award itself.
Aristobrats What non-Aristobrats call the elite group of second, third, or even fourth generation Wallingford Academy students behind their backs.
Axe deodorant 1. What boys use instead of soap. 2. That funny smell in the auditorium.
backblogged The state of being behind on updating one’s Facebook profile, often accompanied by a multitude of unread Friend requests, group invitations, fan suggestions, and photo tags. See Facebook limbo.
bagsy 1. To bag. 2. To claim as by virtue of a right; e.g., We bagsied the purple couch at La Coppa Coffee.
the Birdie The flapping of the hands by the shoulders so fast that you look like you might take off. Usually followed by a single excited squeal. Involuntary reflex.
blucher mocs L.L. Bean four-eyelet moccasin (saddle brown), the foundation of the Aristobrat school uniform. Worn to old-shoe perfection. Infinitely preferable to the Top-Sider. Refer to Essential Guide to “So Over.” The shoe for which the phrase “Don’t drag your shoes, ladies” was created.
BTdubs BTW, only better.
Carbo Footprint A measure of the amount of carbohydrates (i.e., frosted brown sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts) utilized by a person, place, or organization at a given time.
def Definitely, when constrained on time to say entire word.
distressing So hawt it’s painful. See EGB.
EGB Eighth Grade Boyfriend. Possibly the most significant person in a person’s life. Candidates have been evaluated for at least one year prior and agreed upon by at least two impartial parties. Must respect you for you.
East Alcove The social doughnut hole of the lunchroom. See West Alcove.
enterdrained A state of prolonged unconsciousness brought on by severely underwhelming entertainment; i.e., the yearly “Welcome Back, Wallingford Students” address. synComatastic.
exqueez-ay moi (French pronunciation.) Excuse me.
fabulouz (French pronunciation.) Fabulous.
Facebook limbo The time and space between accepting and rejecting (or being accepted as or rejected as) a Facebook Friend. Either by mistake, see backblogged, or on purpose,
the Hairy Eyeball The double axel, triple salchow of all facial expressions: skill, practice, and flawless execution required to avoid fatalities.
hairy nip fit A psychological condition of extreme upset-ness—the common conniption fit (nip fit), only hairier.(Entirely unrelated to the Hairy Eyeball.)
Hawaiian Trops The state of maximum tanness.
hello 1. Phone greeting. Hello!? 2. Unbelievableness. Hello!? 3. Can anyone hear me. Hello!? 4. Excuse me, I was talking.Hello!? 5. You are so unbelievably right. Hello!?
Hollywood Hair Bumpit Hair enlargement device. Twice the volume of regular Bumpit.
Hyphenators Those for whom one last name simply does not communicate it all; as in Cosima Adrianzen-Fonseca and Emily Crawford-Green.
insultosaurus from Latin, insultinos insulting + Greek, osaurus person.
“I yove you” “I love you” while wearing super glossy lipstick.
La Coppa Coffee The center of the universe.
ledge Legend without that pesky second syllable.
Lylas Love You Like a Sister. Also: L.Y.L.A.S. syn: Lyla.
moi (French pronunciation.) Me.
noblesse oblige The moral obligation of those of a higher standing, powerful auditorium seating, more adept use of ceramic flat iron, etc., to act with honor, kindness, generosity, etc., etc.
noof 1. New person. 2. The painful state of newness. 3. The transferred student. 4. The worst thing a person can be.
Obsessive Repulsive Disorder (ORD) Mental disorder characterized by recurrent hair flips, laughter, and more hair flips all while totally pretending not to be doing it on purpose.
OMG Last year’s OMG.
OMGasp This year’s OMG.
populadder The unseen hierarchical system of popularity, the bottom two-thirds of which don’t count. Awareness of its existence is the key to being on it.
populartunity A singular appropriate or favorable time or occasion as for populadder advancement. May never come again.
prepsicle 1. Head to toe prepsterness. 2. Cute-preppy. 3. The real deal. ANT: Polo-poser, Abercrombie Zombie.
Preptobismol Taking the pink clothing thing way too far.
SABS See and Be Seen. See West Alcove.
schnuggly 1. An item of clothing so cozy and old it must be banned from public use. 2. Things that are so cute they make you nauseated.
sitch (British pronunciation.) Situation.
Stalkbooking When a person spends an unhealthy amount of time stalking another person’s Facebook profile instead of actually getting a life.
tanorexia Tanorexia Nervoso. A mental disorder such that the person thinks that no matter how tan they are, they’re never tan enough; often acquired during or immediately following vacation breaks.
the Terminator Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton sent back from the future to destroy the world, aka Ms. Hotchkiss.
totally An agreement reached by all; e.g., You: Tribb is distressingly fit. Us: Totally.
Twittervention An orchestrated confrontation at La Coppa Coffee (without lattes or cranberry scones) to forcibly disarm Twitter account and get person to admit they need professional help or, at the very least, a fresh mani-pedi.
underpopular Not-popular through no fault of one’s own; suffering from unpopularness. See noblesse oblige.
vous (French pronunciation.) You.
Wally 1. A Wallingford Academy student. 2. slang. A non-Aristobrat.
way An exclamation of moreness. Can be preceded by so, an exclamation of more more-ness; e.g., Wally 1: Those new jeans are way great. Wally 2: So way great.
West Alcove The only place to eat your lunch. See East Alcove.
whinge-binge 1. Excessive indulgence in complaining; often revolving around “nothing to wear.” 2. An acceptable form of exercise.